All I want for Christmas is a Ritz Bitz

     I've been to a lot of holiday luncheons this December (2014) and it seems that everyone either has a new Fit Bit wrist band or it's on their Christmas wish list.  I now know how many steps my friends have taken before lunch or how they slept last night.  So it appears to me that if you get in 10,000 steps before lunch you've earned that red velvet cupcake for dessert.  And if you also didn't sleep well last night you can go right ahead and have a few butter cookies too.
     I think they haven't taken the Fit Bit far enough.  To be really helpful to humanity I think we need a wearable device I'd call the Nit Bit.  This would be a device that doesn't care how many steps you take or any other vital statistic.  All it measures is how many times you reach for your face.  If you think about it, most of the time nothing good really happens when you reach for your face.  You're either snacking, drinking, smoking, picking your nose, teeth or ears.
     So I envision that this device grants you a baseline of say 100 face reaches a day (can I coin the term "feaches?).  That's enough to eat 3 reasonable meals, brush your teeth a few times, drink 8 glasses of water, shave, comb your hair or apply makeup.  So once that baseline is reached, it starts counting your face reaches ("feaches").  The Nit Bit will have a monitor that shows how you're trending for the day.  Are you above your desired "feach" pace?  Should you really reach for that piece of chocolate at the office? (Oh why not, I just won't brush my teeth tonight).
    The real power in this device is that it will use your mobile phone to post your daily "feaches" to Facebook.  So the social media pressure (or should I call it support) of your friends seeing your numbers will modify your behavior.  The weight will fall off faster than if you were on Weight Watchers and Jenny Craig both at the same time. The other side benefit is that you probably won't hear at lunch how many "feaches" everyone has had today.  
    An add on option will be what I call the Ritz Bitz app.  You get several remote devices (I'll call them "Sentinels") that you attach to the refrigerator door and snack drawer that triggers a "feach" to your Nit Bit every time you reach into that drawer or the frig.   Maybe we should call them "sneaches" for snack reaches.
   Finally there could be an app for the guys only.  We'll call it the Belt Bit.  This counts how many times you reach below your belt each day to adjust yourself, scratch or pick your butt.  Again you'd get a baseline of say 10 belt reaches ("beaches?") per day before the Facebook posting starts.
    Everyone could benefit from one of these devices whether for weight loss or to improve your social behavior.  It's a little like having your mother follow you around all day telling you what not to do.  All that's missing is a smack on the back of your head.  Maybe I should just call the thing "mom".

Home Automation

We got a ROOMBA last Christmas and I don't trust it. We named it Rosie after the Jetson's robot maid.  I think we should have named her HAL after the computer in 2001 A Space Odyssey.  She seems to know when we aren't watching.  We call it EAP - Extrordinary Appliance Perception.  She works great when we're around but it seems every time I go out and she is cleaning, she sneaks into my office (even though I have a small baracade to keep her out) and she throws the papers I have on the floor all around. I guess she's trying to tell me something about my floor filing system.
 

She likes to sneak up on our dog Piper too.  Rosie is not very quiet, but Piper is losing her hearing so she doesn't hear her coming.  Piper gets a bump in the rear, Rosie changes directions and retreats across the room (I think I can hear her giggling) and Piper blames the cat. Rosie also hides the dog and cat toys by pushing them under the furniture.   

Rosie has also recently taken to speaking German.  If she gets stuck under some furniture she beeps a few times like R2D2 then calls out for help in German. I personally think she's swearing, but I can't be sure.  I'm going to get a German translation app.

I can't be sure of this either but Rosie might be communicating with our garage door opener.  I think she's telling it lies about me.  I feel this way because since she arrived the opener has become uncooperative just with me.  Works fine for everyone else.  But maybe she's just trying to crack the code on it so she can make her escape.

Fortunately Rosie can't climb steps or I wouldn't be sleeping too well with her in the house.  If I ever have a strange accident at home, be sure you question "Rosie the maid".
Or maybe technology just makes me paranoid.